If herps could talk

Dedicated exclusively to field herping.

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Daryl Eby
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If herps could talk

Post by Daryl Eby » September 11th, 2013, 5:56 pm

One of my favorite pre-crash FHF threads was by this same title and featured many humorous, and a few enlightening, imaginary conversations involving our favorite animals. I've often considered re-started that board line thread but never took the time. Maybe some of y'all can help me out. Share some goofy or serious herptile ramblings.

Here's one to start it off. I just posted this on FB in response to a report about a woman pissing on a rattlesnake.

I wonder how he would have explained that encounter to his friends and family.

"I was just sitting there waiting or a rat when this human approached me. At first, I was all like "Ssshhhh, just be still and hope it goes away". Then I was like, "Whoa this is my spot, you can't sit here." Then I was all like, "WTH, keep your shorts on. I'm not like that." But, THEN, OMG, it was sooooo awful, before I could even shake my tail, the human tried to water board me with nasty, yellow, butt water. My hunting trip was soooo over. I shook my tail in disgust and slithered out of there before the bombs started falling. Whatever you do, just stay away from squatting humans.""

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dery
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by dery » September 12th, 2013, 6:52 am

"Gee honey, can we have some privacy copulating?"

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"Atlest there's only four humans. Let's slither away before more show up."

"Good idea."

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Re: If herps could talk

Post by JAMAUGHN » September 12th, 2013, 7:06 am

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Coast Horned Lizard, Phrynosoma blainvilli by J. Maughn, on Flickr

"So you found me. Do I look impressed? I'm not impressed. Nothing you could do would impress me. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to continue sitting here."

Tamara D. McConnell
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by Tamara D. McConnell » September 12th, 2013, 5:29 pm

"So you found me. Do I look impressed? I'm not impressed. Nothing you could do would impress me. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to continue sitting here."
Perfect!

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Kelly Mc
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by Kelly Mc » September 12th, 2013, 6:24 pm

If i could look through the eyes and feel through the feet and belly of an animal - any one for just one day i would give up being able to talk, forever.

Ive already done my share anyway. Small price.

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Daryl Eby
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by Daryl Eby » September 12th, 2013, 7:18 pm

Great start guys and gals.

I need a picture of a box turtle being lifted and carried across the road, but I'm too lazy to search my archives.

Caption:
"Look at meeeeeee! Weeeeeee! I'm flying. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Super Box."

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Daryl Eby
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by Daryl Eby » September 12th, 2013, 7:54 pm

Bullsnake bragging to his friends after encountering a group of herp paparazzi.

Other snakes: "Bull"
Bullsnake: "No, seriously. There were at least six of them."
Other snakes: "Bull"
Bullsnake: "Each hid behind a strange black box that made lightening."
Other snakes: "Bull"
Bullsnake: "They had me completely surrounded.
Other snakes: "Bull"
Bullsnake: "Hoggie over there would have rolled over and crapped himself."
Hognose: "It's a highly evolved strategy you big oaf."
Bullsnake: "Suuuuure. Little Ring would flashed and twisted his cute little ass."
Ring: "Jealous!"
Bullsnake: "Riiiiiiiiight. Coach would have tried roll away in a hoop."
Coachwhip: "That's a lie. I never ..."
Bullsnake: "Stop denying it Coach, we've all heard the stories."
Lyre Snake: "Yeah. I've seen him do it."
Coachwhip: "Liar!"
Other Snakes: "Hoop! Hoop! Hoop!"
Coachwhip: "Shut up!"
Bullsnake: "Yeah, each of y'all would've been toast. Not me boys. Not me. I stood my ground and hissed like a, like something that hisses real loud. Those big bad humans knew to keep their distance. They all hid behind their boxes then ran away to go dance and play with that glamor puss Al Terna.
TP Ratsnake: "Hey ... has anybody seen Al?"

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PNWHerper
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by PNWHerper » September 12th, 2013, 8:06 pm

This is a fun thread. :thumb:

"Warm rock, sunshine on my back, females nearby... all is right with the world!" :D

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"Ahf gopht mah mouph phull, canth thalk raght nah."
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"mmm mhhmmm hmm mm hhmm mmemm."
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dery
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by dery » September 13th, 2013, 7:53 am

"Give me some space!! I don't want to be photographed!!"
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"I gave this human my worst and he's bleeding, so why hasn't he released me? Might as well wait since he seems peaceful."
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by hellihooks » September 13th, 2013, 12:17 pm

Well...I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm depressed...but I do feel a bit Melon-collie today...
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You Mind? trying to take a dump here....
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krismunk
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by krismunk » September 13th, 2013, 1:05 pm

hellihooks wrote:You Mind? trying to take a dump here....
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Well...
Image

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dery
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by dery » September 13th, 2013, 5:56 pm

krismunk wrote:
hellihooks wrote:Image
Well...
Image
"I am too. why do these repulsive humans always watch us do our business?"

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intermedius
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by intermedius » September 13th, 2013, 6:24 pm

s1289.photobucket.com/user/intermedius22/media/DSC00602_zps79614d8d.jpg.html]Image[/URL]

"Dammit, why are there so many people here. Can't you see we're trying to be alone. You buys took my son Jimmy, he's in a Pub in a Kendall Strip Mall."

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"Doo doo doo where are you Pig Frogs... HOLY CRAP ALIENS!!! Oh wait just a few herpers. Heh what am i the seventeenth Watersnake this night. Why can't i be something interesting like a racer?"

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"Because when you're a racer, you end up like this"

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Baby wood frog: "Mom what are you and dad doing?"
Mommy wood-frog: "Catching fruit flies son.. Catching fruit flies."
Neighboring Spring Peeper: "Get a hole!"
Spotted Salamander: "Don't worry he's just jealous that a female hasn't heard him."

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Noah M
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by Noah M » September 14th, 2013, 7:30 am

Here is what I have for now. I love this thread. Great idea!


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You said there wouldn't be a camera this time!

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[Thinking to itself] "Crap, I think he knows I'm not venomous"

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I wanna see you push one of these things out.

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Is this spot taken?

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I will cut you!!!!

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I am dangerous!!! Stay away, I will.....oh crap, haha, he know's I'm not going to do anything. Got any amphiumas?

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Sheesh, why is it always have to be a chicken that crosses the road?

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Re: If herps could talk

Post by JAMAUGHN » September 14th, 2013, 10:06 am

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It's Not Easy Being Green (Sierra Treefrog, Pseudacris sierra) by J. Maughn, on Flickr

"Yeah...that sock puppet had a point. Sigh."

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Re: If herps could talk

Post by hellihooks » September 15th, 2013, 8:35 am

As soon as you put me down, I'm gonna WHOOP YOUR ASS... :!:
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Go get me a beer and a sandwich... :lol: :lol:
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M Wolverton
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by M Wolverton » September 15th, 2013, 10:39 am

WTF?

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I am strangely okay with this.

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Here's one people can come up with captions for;

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Another;

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Daryl Eby
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by Daryl Eby » September 15th, 2013, 4:01 pm

M Wolverton wrote: Here's one people can come up with captions for;

Image
Can't touch this.

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PNWHerper
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by PNWHerper » September 15th, 2013, 9:25 pm

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"Okay, so from this angle can you see those little spots on my belly, right? Are you sure they aren't ticks?"

:?

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John Martin
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by John Martin » September 16th, 2013, 5:27 am

Haha, this is great, lots of good ones here. My favorites: Captainjack0000's mud snake, hellihooks' chuckwalla, M Wolverton's toad :thumb:

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dery
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by dery » September 27th, 2013, 5:33 pm

Another;

Image[/quote]

:sleep: :sleep: .... "WTF? oh, it's just another flippin' herper."

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Noah M
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by Noah M » September 27th, 2013, 8:20 pm

Image

So this is what road cruising is like! How do you see over the dash?

(The snake was safely let go after this photo, and is the same Mud Snake from previously in this post)

Edit to add: Seemed to be a good way to get my wife to come along more often. She didn't take too kindly to my new road cruising partner!

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Noah M
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by Noah M » September 27th, 2013, 8:29 pm

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Meh...my wife will never believe why I'm late...

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dery
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by dery » October 11th, 2013, 7:37 pm

"AAAaaahhhhhh. Ooomm. Yeehhh."
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Owen
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Re: If herps could talk

Post by Owen » October 11th, 2013, 7:51 pm

"Smith-Barney: They make money the old fashioned way. They earn it."

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